as a homeowner, there are a few things that you will learn in the first two years of owning your home. the first thing you will learn is that the words that break your heart the very most are not: "i just don't love you anymore," but in fact: "no, that is not covered. read your contract."
you will learn that all of your vacation time will not be spent sunning it up in hawaii, but waiting on plumbers and contractors and other people who feel that "12-4" is actually a specific time. and then they will actually show up at 10.
you will learn that your attitude is the most valuable thing you own.
you will learn that if it holds, carries, contains, touches, or looks at water, it will leak. and it will leak only when you are not paying attention. only when your back is turned. it will leak.
but not to worry, because you will also learn that carpet can be pulled up! (and next week i will let you know if it can subsequently be put back down.) wooden tiles? these too can be pried up! all it takes is a hammer.
you will learn that there are 6, 9, and 12-year water heaters. and the warranty company will always give you the 6-year. just expect it.
you will learn that warranty companies do flag your files according to your attitude. because when you are rude to them at 11 a.m., and then you call to make another claim around 9 p.m., they will pick up right where you left off and (ok, deservedly!) treat you like a jerk. no matter the kind of day that you have clearly had.
you will learn that you should never think so highly of yourself as to believe that you can play plumber and stop the dripping in your bathtub. because that will only break things more.
you will learn that if your house was constructed around the time that Jesus was born, none of the material you read will apply to your situation. because back then, people believed that soldering was in fact, Jesus.
you will learn that no, it is not strange at all to spend the evening taking turns showering in the basement while your partner monitors the speed of the drip upstairs. in fact, it is just a regular 'ol tuesday night!
and you will learn that although that sounds kind of funny when you write it down, it is really about as funny as "no, that is not covered. read your contract."
yes, indeed, you will learn so many things by being a homeowner, but maybe the greatest lesson of all comes when you realize that you will learn more about yourself when you have your head in a crawl space and all of your savings is wet and dripping onto your face than you ever will in a classroom or behind a desk.
because then, you will turn to your partner, and he will stand there dumbfounded, and say something like, "oh. i totally forgot that we had a shower downstairs." and somehow you will find a way to laugh about it, no matter how much rain is forecasted in your home office.


